Day 2’s meditation focused on letting the past go. This was a familiar topic for me as I’ve been listening to my hypnotherapy CDs in this area for a couple of months. I’ve been journaling on the topic exhaustively. I’ve expressed a lot of emotion. I’ve grieved for the ‘young Tricia’ at various stages of her life and am trying to be more empathetic. I feel like I’ve come a long way . . . when I started this journey my attitude toward her was that she better buck up and learn to only count on herself. How terrible is that? That I could be that mean and cold hearted and unforgiving towards myself. I think I take on the blame for every bad thing that ever happened to me, for every sad choice and everything that ever went sideways – I must have done something to deserve it- right? This makes me so angry with others when they can’t even accept the tiniest bit of responsibility or accountability.
I found Johnny Cash – Hurt, Colin Hay – Beautiful World, I found Fun. – We are young, I found The Constellations – We’re Here to Save the Day . . . songs which are becoming anthems in my head as my mood swings around from day to day or week to week. Something to channel the bad feelings and the good- try to steady me out.
Some past things- which I would never put into writing in the massive electronic record that is amassing in this world – really equated to innocence lost. I’m at a point where I think I’ve forgiven myself and others around me, as I think we were all doing the best we could at the time. I bring in the good energy and I let go of the things that do not serve me. So hum. I am.
The transition to tonight’s meditation (day 3) is a very natural one to move to next . . . forgiveness.