Day 16 – Loving What Is
“Better indeed is knowledge than mechanical practice. Better than knowledge is meditation. But better still is surrender of attachment to results, because there follows immediate peace.” Bhagavad Gita
Surrender attachment to results . . . this thought is so contrary to all other parts of our lives. My husband and I (and everyone else we know) work in environments where ‘results’ matter. Even our kids are in that type of environment all day, every day- because we’re out getting our ‘results’ at work, they’re in daycare/pre-K/summer camp also getting ‘results’. Mind you Joey’s goals are behavior-social oriented as well as technical skills building like verbal, math, drawing and handwriting. Tommy’s goals are behavior-social oriented plus technical skills like drawing, basic verbal and math and then the all important potty training. So although we have a burning desire to come home and just ‘be’, what do we do? We come home and ‘manage’ our kids.
I’m not saying that we should live at home without any social order or skills building . . . but what does it take to find that balance and just ‘be’? Yesterday my husband and I performed a social experiment to some extent. I tried hard to not badger the kids while they got dressed, we tried hard to not brow beat them about eating breakfast- and miraculously we had a fairly calm drive to school. My husband made a point of hugging the kids at pick up and everyone stayed calm on the ride home. We had one small mishap after swimming where Joey and Tommy didn’t want to listen and the consequences included a lock down on bedtime with no flexibility or negotiations. Overall it was a great day with them.
So here are the parts of the mantra from yesterday’s post that I’m keeping closest to my heart:
1) my relationships are based on equality – you are not beneath me and I am not above you
2) my relationships are a mirror of myself
3) If there is conflict, how am I contributing to it? What can I do to stop it?
4) I choose to be happy over being right.
So my formula for daily happiness with my husband and kids must include a little of 1+2+3+4. It seems this would certainly help in our efforts to just “Love What Is”. So although I need to try to surrender my attachment to results, I can’t completely do that. However I think I can change my expectations to seek different types of results like harmony, happiness, etc.