This is a struggle today . . . so angry and out of control. Snapped at staff this morning and snapped at son and feel guilty that I set off a firestorm cycle at home whereby my son acts out and my husband and I punish him over and over again. Must stop the cycle. I can’t focus on today’s meditation- I feel like a fraud and my thoughts are totally distracted. I feel like a child. An out of control child. Some thoughts I should be focusing on from www.chopra.com re: Emotional Healing and non-violent communication (Chopra is turning out to be an amazing resource for me. It’s amazing that for so many years this was out there fostering good energy into this world. I guess what you need finds you when you need it most.):
- My relationships are based on equality.
Relationships based upon inequality may survive but will never thrive. Love is the unity that comes from seeing yourself in another and the other in you. To cultivate love, practice this inner dialogue: I am not above you or beneath you. We are individualized expressions of the same sacred being and are equally and infinitely valuable.
- My relationships are mirrors of myself.
Everything happening in your external world is a reflection of your inner world. If there is discord in a relationship, ask yourself, How am I contributing to the conflict? Before blaming the other person, search your heart for what you might think, say or do to shift the dynamics. When you transform yourself, the world around you cannot help but change.
- My relationships have room for change.
Everyone is carried along by the river of change, and two people will not necessarily change in the same way at the same pace. Accept that change is inevitable, and look for ways for your relationship to accommodate and celebrate the renewal it brings, while at the same time nurturing the connection and commitment that transcend the field of change.
- In my relationships, I let the past be past.
In every relationship, people experience conflicts that leave a residue of resentment, hurt or disappointment. Make a commitment not to bring up past transgressions when dealing with a current issue. Let go of emotional toxins and allow each day to unfold free and unburdened by the past.
- In my relationships, I choose being happy over being right.
Winning an argument may give you fleeting satisfaction but won’t help you create loving relationships. The more effort we expend trying to prove a point, the more likely the other person will dig in their heels. Interrupt the pattern of conflict by acknowledging your differences (“We agree that we see things differently.”) Then seek creative solutions that will enable both of you to get your needs met.
- I nurture my relationships through the power of attention, affection, and time.
If you want a relationship to flourish, you must be willing to nurture it like a tender bloom. Listen to the other person with your full, undivided attention. Offer the gift of loving touch and uninterrupted time together.
- In my relationships, I communicate my expectations and negotiate the price.
The more consciously you can identify and communicate your expectations, the more likely you are to create a loving, evolving bond. If your heart is sending you signals of discomfort, ask yourself what needs you have that aren’t being met. Then express your needs in ways that maximize the probability that the other person can meet them.
The key principle of conscious communication is making it as easy as possible for the other person to meet your need by asking for the specific behavior that will fulfill it. I encourage you to master it by practicing the following simple method:
- Whenever you feel upset, realize that it is because you have an unmet need.
- Identify what happened that was different from what you expected.
- Identify what you need that you did not get.
- Ask for the behavior, being as specific as possible.
Although using this process does not guarantee that you will always get your needs met, it will increase the probability that you will spend more time feeling comfortable and less time in emotional distress.
7 Steps for Emotional Release
To experience emotional freedom and vibrant health, we need to nurture our agni and release any stored physical and emotional toxins on a regular basis. One of the most powerful ways to do so is Panchakarma, an ancient cleansing and detoxification process developed thousands of years ago in India. At the Chopra Center in Carlsbad, we see the healing and transformation people experience when they undergo Panchakarma at our weekly Perfect Health program, where guests are guided in a six-day healing process that also includes ayurvedic massage treatments, and instruction in meditation. Guests also learn a seven-step process for processing and releasing toxic emotions. This is a technique you can use when you find yourself in emotional turmoil or feel “flat” or depressed.
Here are the steps:
- Identify what you are feeling.
When you find yourself in a state of emotional turmoil, find a quiet place and ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” The answer may be anger, sadness, fear, and so on. Define and describe what you’re feeling as clearly as possible.
- Witness the feeling in your body.
Notice where you feel the emotion in your body. Observe the feeling and allow your attention to stay on the sensation. Breathe into the feeling. Fully experiencing the physical sensations allows the emotional charge to dissipate.
- Take responsibility for what you are feeling.
Understanding that you have a choice in how you respond to and interpret your experience is the key to healing the emotional body.
- Express the emotion to yourself.
You can write about your feelings or speak them out loud in private. Describe the situation and the effect it is having on your heart and soul. This will help you gain clarity and insight as well as release the emotional toxicity.
- Release the emotion through a physical ritual.
Experiment to find what works best for you. You can dance with abandon, do some deep breathing, get a massage, or go on a long run. Allow your body to release the tension that is stored with the emotion.
- Share the emotion.
Once you’ve released and calmed down, share what you felt and experienced with the person involved in the situation. If you have processed steps 1 through 5, you should be able to share without blame and without trying to manipulate the other person for approval or pity.
Now it’s time to reward yourself for identifying and releasing the painful emotion. Do something special for yourself . . . listen to your favorite music, buy yourself a present, or enjoy a delicious meal.